Gloria Londono - Flourish in captivity

[00:00:00] Welcome to Resilience Unravelled Hi everybody and welcome to Resilience Unravelled, a podcast that examines all aspects of personal and organisation and resilience. A huge all-encompassing subject that covers the ability to thrive in life by harnessing your cognitive, emotional, physiological and contextual abilities.

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[00:01:04] Then search for Resilience Unravelled. So let's get started. Enjoy the show! Hey and welcome back to Resilience Unravelled and I'm looking forward to talking to my next guest, Gloria Londono. I hope I got that right because she has the most fantastic accent you've ever heard in your life.

[00:01:23] It's going to be half an hour of pure unadulterated pleasure listening to Gloria. So first good evening Gloria, thank you so much for spending time with us this evening. Well, thank you Rosa to have me here. It's an honor to share my story with you today.

[00:01:41] Brilliant, brilliant. I love it. I love it. And what in the world are you today Gloria? I'm in Florida, West Palm Beach, USA. Very good. Must be lovely weather out there at the moment. I'm very jealous.

[00:01:55] It's hot and very windy. So for Floridians like me, I've been, I live for many years down in Florida for almost 24 years. Right now it's very, it's kind of cold for us because it's windy.

[00:02:13] But for a lot of people that live in very cold places, they said this is fantastic. And yes, it's fantastic but it's a little chilly cold for us. Well send us some heat over here please because it's chilly over here. So there you go.

[00:02:28] Where are you? In the UK. Oh wow. I have one of these fancy Zoom backgrounds on that makes me look as if I'm in Hawaii, doesn't it? I thought you were in the Caribbean. If only.

[00:02:41] Well look, thank you for joining us today and I'm guessing you're not originally from Florida but with your accent. Maybe tell us a little bit about your story. Tell us a little bit about what it is that you used to do and what's your story all about?

[00:02:54] Well, well I'm Gloria. I'm original from Colombia, Medellin. And I have almost 26 years living in the US. And I immigrated to the US after a traumatic event that I have in my country. But before I jump into traumatic, I'm a woman that love life and love to live.

[00:03:19] And I have a daughter and I have a grandson. So I'm a grandmother or how we said. So I decided to come to this country after a traumatic event that I said before.

[00:03:33] I was kidnapped and held in captivity for 90 days in the dark when I was 25 years old. Right, tell me about that and pack it for me. Without obviously just telling me the things you want to tell me but tell me what happened?

[00:03:50] You were walking along one day. What happened? No, I was going to the University of Medellin. I was starting to have business administration. Just started business administration and I was coming out from class.

[00:04:05] And they coming out of the gate of the University was two cars that blocked me. And I thought it was like a reckless driver. And the next thing I saw was a gun in my forehead to tell me to get down.

[00:04:23] And they put me in a trunk of a car. I wasn't my way to become my daughter three years old. So they take me out from there and they just dump in me in a trunk of a car. And disappeared the key of my freedom for three months.

[00:04:39] And they put me in captivity in the dark. In the first three days I couldn't shower. So, and I didn't have a toilet paper. So imagine how you can feel in that moment like terrobat. You know, you are so scared.

[00:04:59] You are feel humiliated and it's very denigrating what they do to you. But you have no choice. And I went through a lot being there and I always said that this trauma is very complex. And at the same time it helps me to move forward in life.

[00:05:22] It was not like, oh yeah, I have this situation and I'm okay. No, no, no, no. It took a long time. Well, let's go back there for me. So how did it come to an end? Well, it was after many negotiations from my family.

[00:05:40] I was in the camp at the point two months in the, the Kina, my family say that they don't have money and they're not going to pay. And God, God bless you and your daughter is going to be in great hands.

[00:05:56] So after two months being captivity, you lose the time. You don't know what time it is. You don't know if day or night. You don't know, you don't know anything. You don't know what day is it is.

[00:06:07] For me, what they were stating to hear that because what you want to hear from your families is a, hey, you know, we love you. We want you. We are trying to do the best we can to rescue you. That was not like that.

[00:06:21] So right there forced me to negotiate my life and I told the kidnappers, please don't kill me for money. I just a simple woman that have a daughter and I'm a single mother.

[00:06:36] And the only thing I want to do is to raise her and to enjoy it to be a mother. So before that, I had, I didn't know at that time, but I have emotionally attached to one of the kidnappers. So I had esocone syndrome.

[00:06:54] And esocone syndrome is when you feel any type of emotions or if you're attached to the captor. Yes. And that happens to me. And because of that, I was surviving the entire time. So for that it's like, wow, it's like, I feel ashamed for many years and guilty.

[00:07:18] And this secret about esocone syndrome. People don't talk about too much, especially people that being kidnapped and special women because we feel ashamed and guilty. And people will say, people, we are like, we don't want people to judge us.

[00:07:36] So people will say how you can be kidnapped and get in love or have a relationship with a kidnapper. But survival make you do so many things that you are like a superhero.

[00:07:54] When you're in survival mode in that situation, they're telling you they're going to kill you or they're going to sell you. It's like what I need to do here to survive. And you're completely dependent. That's the basis of esocone syndrome, isn't it? You have to be dependent.

[00:08:13] So it's like a parental relationship in a strange sort of way, isn't that very difficult? So the negotiations happened and you were released, I'm guessing. So how did you come back into the, how did you come back to the real world? Must have been so strange.

[00:08:32] It's very difficult because my family already, I already work on the stuff that I feel about my family. But my family didn't know how to deal with my release. So they don't give me the proper attention or the proper help like going to a therapist.

[00:08:52] So after eight months being released, I feel like this is what happened when you were kidnapped. This is very ironic and this is part of the transformation.

[00:09:04] When you are kidnapped, you're physically are kidnapped, your lack of freedom, but your mind is free because your mind wants to survive. So you get created.

[00:09:16] But as soon they release you, you know, your physical, your physical is free, but your mind got, I auto-kidnapped myself right away in fear and emotions and stuff that I didn't know was coming out. So I was like, I want to leave this country.

[00:09:32] I feel, I feel afraid to go stay here because I didn't see the faces of the kidnappers. So I never knew who kidnapped me. So I came here and I started being very workaholic, like workaholic.

[00:09:49] That was like the outlet of my, of the, okay, I need to survive. So make me workaholic is when you go to a new country, it's not easy. So you need to do, you need to do. So I was trained to survive.

[00:10:04] So I came back, I came back again with my skills of surviving. So I became very workaholic to be able to provide for my daughter. And what sort of work were you doing? I start, I start a second day being in the United States.

[00:10:20] I, when I arrived at the taxi driver, I said, I want you to take me to this address. And it's very curious because life is about synchronicity. So the address of that place was Queens and Liberty. So I was coming to, you know, to find my freedom. Yeah.

[00:10:43] And I told him I need to work and but I don't have papers. I'm coming to apply for asylum politic. And he said, let me do what I can. The next day he knocked out the door and he said, Gloria, I think I have a job for you.

[00:10:57] So I start in a hardware, in a hardware store. And at that moment I didn't know how to manage the money. And the guy gave me a cashier, cashier position. It was like so stressful to be in that, in that job.

[00:11:16] And I, I made it but the guy only gave me part time. But I am always resilient. So I was like, no, this is not enough for me. So I start knocking and have to walk because I didn't have a car in that moment.

[00:11:29] So I have to walk to my place. And I knock about 40 doors. Can you need help? Do you need help? Do you need help? No, no, no, no. So I was looking for the other half, half time.

[00:11:43] And the last door that you think, oh, I already knocked every door. They say no the time. This is going to be the same. I said no. So I went inside and I had another job and they give me the job. It's exactly what I needed.

[00:12:02] So I have my two jobs. And then I got tired to be in New York because I landed first in New York City. It was too cold for me and too gray. And I tends to get depression because being kidnapped, you formally know depression and anxiety.

[00:12:24] And then I have to move up for a better like hot weather and more like the sun. So I moved here and I was one day in Walmart and I saw a guy that had the features of Columbia and die.

[00:12:38] And I said, I'm going to ask this guy what he does. Like just like that. And so you're at Columbia and he said yes. And I said, wow, what kind of job you do? You have. And then he said, I work in the produce industry. What?

[00:12:52] And can you take me there or there's any opening there? And he said, I don't know, but maybe I said, can you give me your name and everything so we keep in touch. So the next day, the guy called me and say, there's an open position right now.

[00:13:09] They are hiring right now. I said, what? So the next day I get ready, but I was already applied for a selling politic. And so I went to my interview and they want to hire me in the spot, but I said, can you, I have an issue.

[00:13:28] And I do, I don't have the papers, but I already applied for to work in this country. And then the guy said, oh, so you knew can now work here because we need that. And then I said, can you hold this position? Maybe I can get this later.

[00:13:45] And he said, if you when you come back is open, yes, I'm going to give it to you. And like, synchrony and miracles happen in life. And I went that day to my house and opened the mailbox and I have the work permit.

[00:14:00] And I said, oh, I can't believe this. So I went next day, they hired hire me in the spot. I would start working with like 60 people, Latin Latin and Central America people. And I started doing five dollars and 25 cents. And it wasn't 2001.

[00:14:22] And two days later I start looking, I found the day one, I started looking what the job was missing. What the job needs so I can improve myself there.

[00:14:34] And I saw that a lot of people don't speak English and at that time my English was rough, but I can't understand, but I can communicate. And I told the manager, you know, I know what is your issue here. And he said, you speak English. I said, yes.

[00:14:53] So you have an issue communicating with them because nobody speaks English and I speak both my English is now 100%, but I can understand you if you teach me the way how I can do this. I assure you I can do this. Yeah.

[00:15:09] So for 525, three days later I was doing 725. And I started knowing the produce industry that's food, the food industry. And then three months later I want to know about quality control inspection for food. Yeah.

[00:15:30] And I learned I went to the USDA department that is department that hire higher inspectors for agriculture. I got the job and going back to the company and I said to a guy that he have a private company that do quality control inspections.

[00:15:50] And I said, I got hired for the USDA. And they got what? I said, yeah. And then he said, oh, I want you to work for me. But I said, I already hired. They already hired me. And then he said, how much are you gonna pay you?

[00:16:04] I said like 1025. And then he said, I pay you 1225. I said, okay, I'll stay with you. So it was like very quick and I love what I was doing. I love to learn. So I would love what I was doing.

[00:16:19] So I became good at it, like with the food, selecting the best food, you know, sending to the customers and stuff. But then I said, no, I don't want to be here all my life and this cold because it's coolers. So the food is very cold.

[00:16:36] So I said, no, I don't want to be here and I want to know more the business a little bit more up. So I went to a Peruvian company. So I was like the secretary, but I didn't know anything about a county.

[00:16:53] But I pretended to be the person who was hiring me that if he teach me, I will learn because every policy in every company is different. So it was like my excuse to fit in and the guy liked the attitude.

[00:17:07] He said, okay, I'm going to teach you and he teach me a lot and I learned a lot about a county.

[00:17:14] And then I said, I don't want to be just sitting down all day here because I'm more active and I like to learn and be more like involved in the business. Then I went to work for a a ginger company that we bring a ginger from Brazil.

[00:17:31] And I was there like the most the general manager in in charge of negotiating outside like Central and South America and also dealing with the customers down here. And I love that too.

[00:17:47] I went to Guatemala, I went to Peru, I went to Dominican Republic to in Colombia to find some customers and producers. And then I said no, I want to create my own company and I did. And the first company was only for inspections, country control inspections.

[00:18:16] Then I lost a big, big, big contract. So I have to close. I couldn't do anymore. So I have to go work for somebody.

[00:18:23] And then when you put what you want in life to the universe and to God for people who believe in God, God will provide everything for you. And then I made my ex-husband and I said, let's put a let's let's grow a company. Let's put together a company.

[00:18:45] And we put a company together and the company was very successful. It was in charge of the accounting, the cooler and managing the people going in trouble and also to find clients and also to find producers for, you know, for our company.

[00:19:03] And very successful for 11 years until three years I decided we divorce and then I said, you stay with the company and I want to go in the direction of coaching and writing my book. So that's that's what I've been doing. So you've done all these different things. Yes.

[00:19:23] You seem to have shown no fear. I guess because you've experienced terrifying fear, everything, nothing seems quite as scary. Is that right? Or is that too simple? Yes and no. Yes. When it's about like that, like working finding the survival, that's survival. That's survival.

[00:19:48] But it took me almost 11 years to go back to my country because I was in I have fear. Yeah. And I have fear for that and I also even I was up going to find business.

[00:20:00] I also had a lot of issues with people because I was kind of little tough and disciplining rough with people but it was hurt. But in also my relationships was very not very good, very, very toxic because I had control issues. I have trust issues.

[00:20:20] I had everything that I had in my control. I had no problem but something that other people had in control. I had a lot of difficulty for that. So I got exhausted, exhausted tired to deal with that. Like this is this is not normal.

[00:20:35] Like this is not normal. The way I react in some ways it was not no more and then I got triggered like two times and I got panic attacks and I said, where all this come from?

[00:20:47] And then where's I hit the wall and I said, I need to find a I need to find a service. Yeah, I'm not I'm not fine.

[00:20:55] I'm just I'm living my life in survival mode all the time and I'm exhausted and I do have like some severe depressions up and down and a lot of anxiety. And when you're in captivity, you are more in the present in the future.

[00:21:13] But when you go after a traumatic event, you are more in the past and in the future is hard for you to be in the present. Yeah, absolutely. I think I don't think people understand that you get trapped in the past a little bit.

[00:21:26] Don't you if you're not careful? Yes. Yes. And even even you think you feel OK, even until this day, I feel much better because you never gonna overcome 100% your traumas but also but traumas are necessary for your

[00:21:44] But I also have to work to find my tools for when I have something coming on in my life.

[00:21:51] If I do not get so depressed, for example, yes, if I if I feel depressed, I'm going to feel the depression but I know I don't need to dwell for so long in there. I have my tools to get out. So OK, I feel sad.

[00:22:06] I feel like, OK, this is the symptoms of my depression. OK, hello depression. I understand why you are like this. Let's start journaling and see what it comes out. Yes. And then why is why is discussing me? What is the route and going back? Oh, OK.

[00:22:25] I feel this way because I got triggered this way and because the situation so you have to start like being your own doctor, I would say your own psychology, your own therapist. Yes, you can go to therapist for help.

[00:22:40] They told you what you should do but the most work is you have to do it. You have to do it. Yeah. And so I mean you mentioned you slightly alluded to this earlier but this sounds like a fantastic book. So it sounds like you've written one.

[00:22:54] Tell me more about that. Yes, that book was one of my healing tools for me to be able to talk about the story about my keynote. It took me 17 years to be able to release and talk about it.

[00:23:07] Especially the Stockholm syndrome because I mentioned before I feel like very guilty and ashamed. But now after I got a therapy and after I write my book and do my research about Stockholm syndrome, of course it's normal because I was a survivor.

[00:23:26] And the only thing as a woman we have is power of seduction. So that he was my target. Let me seduct this guy because I know he's going to protect me. He's not going to let me kill. He's not going to let me rape.

[00:23:39] He's not many, many things that come into your mind. So yes, this book is a transformational book. I told the story everything what happens to me in there as the emotions that happened, the reason what happens.

[00:23:55] Also, I live 17 years mad of my family because I run with my own story and I never sit down with their story to what happened to them when I was keynote.

[00:24:08] So I forgot that also my family was keynote at the same time as me because there was not physical keynote like me but they was the whole family was keynote. That's all the grief and the loss that goes with that. That's appalling.

[00:24:23] So you better tell us what the book's called. Who did you write it for? Did you write it for yourself? What did you write it for other people who've gone through a similar story? What was the point? What was the original thought behind it?

[00:24:34] It's a memoir is where I told the story and also I in fact, in fact, the size for people to transform their lives.

[00:24:43] And I also focus in the forgiveness with the father and mother and the forgiveness of the family and to find the healing link because I'm a healing link because I have to transform my own trauma to be able to like myself to others and my family,

[00:25:05] especially my family. Because when you have a relationship with your good with your father and your mother, you are prone to have more successful turns to be more successful and have abundance and very grateful towards life because they give you life. Yeah.

[00:25:21] And they give you what they can. And you choose those parents. Some people can maybe think about different in that way. But this is the way I think. And for me, it was a heavy, heavy thing to do not having a great relationship with my parents.

[00:25:39] And now after my transformation, they saw the light on me and they start coming more together. And now we are a family very close together. We love each other. We sit down and talk about everything that happens.

[00:25:55] And when I hear and when I hear their story, I feel so sorry. I feel like even like more like shame like wow how selfish I was just only think about my trauma but what happened about their trauma. Yeah.

[00:26:10] So people don't understand the effect on a wider family. They never do do they? Yes. But of course they don't do them. Yeah. So the name of the book is flourish and captivity because I did flourish and captivity.

[00:26:22] And it's just for people to want it to transform their lives and to feel free because I went to being kidnapped to understand that all kind of different types of freedom.

[00:26:38] And when you say you're free, you have to feel the free inside of you like free in a relationship free where you're working free where you are and feel like you're happy and content where you are.

[00:26:51] And whatever happens into your life, nothing will take that piece and you're free to know away from you. So that's my book like for people that wanted to transform and also to compare their own lives.

[00:27:05] That say, okay, I do have this and if this woman could go forward with their hair life. I can do the same thing too. So it's more like an empowerment book for people to.

[00:27:18] So, so remind me of the title and tell me where we can get hold of it. Maybe how also how we can find out more about you.

[00:27:25] And my book is in Amazon and also in Barnaz and Novos and also my website you can find in Gloria Gloria Londona.com. And and also my Instagram is Gloria Londona coach and whatever question you want from me, you can reach me there. I'm more active in Instagram.

[00:27:49] I also have my YouTube channel. That's Gloria Londona that I am a podcaster and I was podcasting a lot before this four months of the year. I've been having my let me my recess because I've been podcasting for five years and a half.

[00:28:05] So I talk about depression inside of PTSD, because we can leave with PTSD. We can leave with depression. We can leave with anxiety. We just need to find our tools.

[00:28:15] So that's my my mission and my purpose to help people to to see that traumas are necessary for our evolution. And not to stay too long in those traumas and fulfill life and be so it's to set in life like I succeed in the keynote.

[00:28:34] I mean, that is a fantastic book to finish on really. So that's really inspirational. Thank you. So the book is out. The YouTube channels are the podcast throughout and you've been an absolute star. Thank you so much for spending time with us today.

[00:28:49] It's been absolutely marvelous and very good luck with the book and hope everything works out for you. Thank you so much, Russel. And I'm so glad to have to be here and thank you and hello for all the people in UK. You take care. Hi, thanks for listening.

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