Keywords
Resilience - Mindset - Relationships - Toxic Behaviour - Emotional Intelligence - Coping Tools - Grief
Summary
In this episode of Resilience Unravelled, Naomi Riley a brain injury survivor turned influential motivational speaker, discusses the concept of resilience and shares her personal experiences with adversity, including being diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis as a child and a brain injury in a car accident in 2017. She emphasises the importance of maintaining a positive mindset, even during challenging times and also talks about the challenges of dealing with difficult relationships at work, particularly those involving toxic behaviour. She also discusses the need for self-defence and professionalism, her work on emotional intelligence and coping tools, and the importance of celebrating the positive aspects of life, even during times of grief.
Main topics
- The importance of maintaining a positive mindset
- How gratitude meditation helps focus on the good things in life and set a positive tone
- The importance of emotional intelligence and how it can help us navigate through life
- The significance of being aware of our emotions and how they are affected by others
- The necessity of letting go of individuals who are toxic or bring us down
- Dealing with difficult relationships at work, particularly when faced with toxic behaviour
- Maintaining professionalism and not letting personal feelings get in the way of work.
- The importance of emotional intelligence in creating a peaceful society, particularly for youth
- Coping mechanisms such as mindfulness and deep breathing
Action items
You can find out more about Naomi, her work and access resources at https://naomilriley.com/ or find our more about Text Pledge at https://textpledge.us/
[00:00:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Hi everybody and welcome to Resilience Unravelled, a podcast that examines all aspects of personal
[00:00:13] [SPEAKER_02]: and organisational resilience. A huge all-encompassing subject that covers the ability to thrive
[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_02]: in life by harnessing your cognitive, emotional, physiological and contextual abilities. I share
[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_02]: stories from people who have thrived despite remarkable obstacles, as well as highly successful
[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_02]: practitioners and experts across a range of topics. And this podcast introduces their
[00:00:36] [SPEAKER_02]: amazing stories and expertise, as well as my own reflections, perspectives, strategies
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[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_02]: then search for Resilience Unravelled. So let's get started. Enjoy the show.
[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_02]: Hey and welcome back to Resilience Unravelled and today I'm talking to Naomi Riley from
[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_02]: I think the United States. Is that right Naomi?
[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes it is from Grand Rapids Michigan.
[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh where's say where, where was that from?
[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_00]: From Grand Rapids Michigan. We're known for all of the lakes.
[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_02]: So Europe, Chicago we were there or even more north than that?
[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah we're just about three hours north of Chicago.
[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Ah wow I didn't think it was possible to go three hours north without being in Canada
[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00]: but it's such a huge country isn't it? It is, it's a big country.
[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And where are we located here Mr Dr Zachary?
[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Well I'm in the northeast of England so we're probably on a very similar sort of
[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_02]: line of longitude I think it is but yeah yeah yeah but we have the ghost
[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_02]: normally we have the ghost stream in a place that makes us warm and
[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_02]: okay yeah we've had all sorts of con...
[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_02]: Well look thank you for joining us with us. Why don't you introduce yourself tell us a
[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_02]: little bit about who you are and what it is that you get up to?
[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Sure so my name is Naomi Riley I am a business consultant and motivational speaker
[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00]: on mental health and overcoming adversities and finding your own resilience within yourself.
[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I work now just as an advisor and go around and talk about the various ways that we can
[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_00]: inspire ourselves to be that better person or that best person that we can be always.
[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_00]: So I was... Oh sorry go ahead.
[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_02]: No no carry on we've always got a bit of a gap when we're on the stage.
[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Carry on sorry to interrupt that question in a minute go on go for it.
[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah so just to give you a background on myself when I was a child I was diagnosed with
[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00]: a bad illness called JRA juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and yeah and so I had to kind of
[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_00]: come up with my own resilience when I was young. The doctors didn't diagnose me until
[00:03:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I was seven but they thought I had had it since I was three and so when you're a child
[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_00]: you know being diagnosed with an illness and your growth in your bones and stuff can hurt
[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_00]: really really bad. So from early early early early stages I started building my own resilience.
[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Fast forward to 2017 I was in a car accident and had a brain injury and
[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: you know life yeah you know life just takes its toll and we have to still rise up to try to be
[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_00]: that better person that best person that you can be all the time. So it's an interesting
[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_02]: phrase better person and best person what does it mean in reality? You know I think that
[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00]: there's always a way that we can we wake up our day and it's either we're in a good mood
[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00]: or we're in a oh we didn't sleep that well last night or or we're just you know having a
[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: having a not so great day but if we can center ourselves in the morning and practice
[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00]: gratitude for each day we can always have the best mindset ever to look at the right you
[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: know every day the right way. You know when I was young I would be so grumpy sometimes
[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: just being a young girl you know because I was in so much pain and I actually would ask God to
[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_00]: take me back home because as a child you really don't know why you're struggling so
[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_00]: much and your brain hasn't really developed. So I just remember you know being in that
[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_00]: mindset you know we can get in this depression all of us have that high and low type of
[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I guess everything we go through right in life and if we set our mindset to say
[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I am grateful I am thankful and today is going to be a great day no matter what I face
[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_00]: it's going to set our mind for the best things possible. If we always just hope something
[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: great is going to happen that's just a great mindset to have and then if it doesn't that's
[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_00]: okay but still you've had you have a great mindset for the day.
[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_02]: But how do you choose that great mindset because your talk never has been a conscious
[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_00]: choice. How do we choose that mindset? So one of the things that I like to do in the morning
[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_00]: is to just sit before I check my phone before I check anything to sit and meditate you know sit
[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_00]: and just think what am I grateful for today. I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head.
[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm grateful that I have meals provided to me. I am grateful for my children for the health of
[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_00]: the people around me. Those things can give you a good mindset right and so you tend to think that
[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_00]: okay I am thankful for this. I am grateful for this. This is going to set me in a positive way
[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_00]: and you know you just open up your mind and just think okay this is good. I can move forward
[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_00]: this way. So that is one thing that I choose to do in every single morning of my life because
[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_00]: then I know that I am presenting my best self every single day.
[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_02]: But there must be times when your best self is less best than you might want it to be
[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_02]: because of all sorts of things which are going on because that's good because I always
[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_02]: find the best self idea a bit difficult to understand because it almost implies
[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_02]: there is a standard of best selves but it's relative to your own ability isn't it?
[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_00]: It is yeah and you know so we can get comfortable in our own routines, our daily lives right
[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_00]: and who we are and we never want to be too comfortable with our surroundings. We want to
[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00]: look at every opportunity as something that you know should open our minds and you know
[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_00]: just kind of okay so when let me give you an example. When I was a young girl I never wanted
[00:08:10] [SPEAKER_00]: to go to therapy because I knew it would hurt. I knew it would just you know adjusting my
[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_00]: bones and in my ligaments was really it was hard but the doctors at that time were doing
[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_00]: best thing that they could do to help me maintain my mobility. When I was young I was
[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_00]: told that I would be in a wheelchair by age 18. I wanted to apply those odds but I knew it was
[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00]: going to be really hard and I didn't want to go and so I would fight my parents and you know
[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_00]: just fight myself half the time right? I didn't want to do it but my mom would always
[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00]: say why don't you say a prayer and just try and so I did you know I would always you
[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_00]: know thank God that I was still alive and I wasn't like going through something that was so so bad
[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_00]: I would just go and do the best that I could and so now you know we have to just you know
[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_00]: there's some things that we just have to do that are not comfortable. So getting out of
[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_00]: that comfort zone is probably sometimes the best thing that we can do for ourselves.
[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_00]: I look at fear as face everything and rise instead of you know the other way.
[00:09:24] [SPEAKER_00]: You know it's just we it's the way we look at things too that can really help us determine
[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_02]: our course of life. Yes no I totally agree with that I mean it's not a thing that happens
[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_02]: the way we look at the thing that has happened that defines the thing and ourselves
[00:09:41] [SPEAKER_02]: That makes a lot of sense. Okay that's really useful so I like the idea of you giving
[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_02]: sort of lots of these I like a tip and I like a mnemonic and that's very good but I know
[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_02]: you would tell me that you've written lots of books maybe you can talk to me a little bit
[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_00]: about that because there are a lot. There's several yeah one that I love is emotional
[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00]: intelligence. You know I think that we have become a culture that has have become so sensitive
[00:10:14] [SPEAKER_00]: to everything that goes on around us the things that people say or how they treat us or
[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_00]: things that people do that might offend us and you know I you know I I have been a
[00:10:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I used to coach kids for a certain time in my life and kids are always the best audience
[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_00]: because they're so great they're so forgiving they're so just they love life right and one
[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_00]: of the things that we can do is to you know kind of just brush things off and not be so
[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_00]: sensitive to the world around us. Emotional intelligence really helps to say okay
[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00]: so and so did this to me or so and so said this about me how do I feel about that? Yeah
[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_00]: it might not feel good but I have to like look the other way and I have to say okay
[00:11:18] [SPEAKER_00]: that situation was not fun but that is not the problem. The problem isn't me the
[00:11:24] [SPEAKER_00]: problem is the person that was the aggressor towards me and I need to really hone in on my
[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_00]: true values and my true core to know who I am to rise up to rise above and to know that
[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to put myself in that situation again. You know that is so key to living out
[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_00]: your best life. The people that we surround ourselves with the ones that bring out the
[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_00]: best in us are the ones that we need to be associating ourselves with. If we're
[00:11:59] [SPEAKER_00]: associating ourselves with you know individuals that are not good for our mindset that maybe
[00:12:05] [SPEAKER_00]: might bring us down or you know have negative attributes or things that you might just come
[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_00]: across and you guys are not you're not good for each other you're toxic right? We know
[00:12:20] [SPEAKER_00]: relationships happen we know they're out there so it's our job to break away from those
[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_00]: and to say okay I know this isn't healthy for me I know I can do better so I need to change
[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_00]: who I am to make sure that that happens. So in emotional intelligence you're going to find a
[00:12:50] [SPEAKER_00]: talked with many on how you have to let go and not let you know individuals affect you so much
[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_00]: personally. That's the you know the easiest it's not easy trust me it's not easy because
[00:13:05] [SPEAKER_00]: you're going to have your core group of people that you really trust around you
[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_00]: but then you're going to have another circle that are people that you you know but you
[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_00]: don't know them well enough to whether you can trust them or not right but it really hurts when
[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_00]: there's someone that's really close to you that does break your trust and so then you have to
[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_00]: re-evaluate that relationship. You know I think that at the end of the day you're going to
[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_00]: always look back on your life and say okay did I do the things I wanted to do? Did I
[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_00]: didn't make the influence that I wanted to make and did I inspire those that I wanted to
[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_00]: inspire? You know not did I hang in this group or did I do this you know we're not going to
[00:13:49] [SPEAKER_00]: think about those things. I always say people will we're going to always remember not the way
[00:13:56] [SPEAKER_00]: not what someone said or what they did we're always going to remember how they made you feel
[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_00]: so just think about those things in life did they make you feel good or did they not make
[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_00]: you feel good? Walk away from the things that didn't make you feel that great.
[00:14:14] [SPEAKER_02]: So but one of the things you said earlier is that we make choices about how we are and how
[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_02]: we are and our mood and our mindset and how we feel so I think it was Eleanor Jackson who said
[00:14:24] [SPEAKER_02]: we can only feel bad with our own consent so because of course in business and in the
[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_02]: commercial world or in schools or any organization sometimes you have to put up with the people
[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_02]: you've got and it's about how you avoid letting people who are toxic or with whom you have a poor
[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_02]: relationship what you have to protect yourself and that's all about the choices you make isn't it?
[00:14:48] [SPEAKER_02]: So it's for me I never like to walk away from a poor relationship because often thought I think
[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_02]: that's where we have the most to learn and I just wonder what you think about that because
[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_02]: actually at work we can't walk away we have to be able to get on with people don't we?
[00:15:03] [SPEAKER_02]: We might not like them. We do. But we can respect them or we can actually tolerate them or we can
[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_02]: but we don't have to get bent out of shape it's surely it's not about how we feel it's about
[00:15:12] [SPEAKER_00]: how we deal with people. Yeah yeah that you're right that's a fine line especially at work
[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_00]: and those relationships that you need to coexist together I think that one of the
[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_00]: best things that we can do when we have a toxic relationship that we're dealing with at work is
[00:15:34] [SPEAKER_00]: just you know maybe teach them a lesson maybe teach them certain things about yourself that
[00:15:41] [SPEAKER_00]: you could be that you know just you are the light you know and help them see like they
[00:15:50] [SPEAKER_00]: are worthy and they are more than who they are being okay so what I'm seeing is as long as you
[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_00]: know you know that you're doing the most the right thing in the relationship you know you're
[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_00]: not you're not going after each other. Yeah. I think that you know there's always going to be
[00:16:12] [SPEAKER_00]: that get along and ones that don't and the more that we engage in our best self again our better
[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_00]: self the better off it's going to be you know we're seeing so much turmoil and we're seeing
[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_00]: so much aggression and fighting in our countries and it's so so hard to see and you know our
[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_00]: job is to keep the peace our job is to really like say okay we can become better we can do better
[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_02]: we cannot be so angry and that's a challenge isn't it in the face of a lot of people with
[00:16:53] [SPEAKER_02]: a lot of power who are out going out of their way to to make themselves be feel good at the
[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_02]: expense of the rest of us and that's not fair it's not fair but it's but unfortunately
[00:17:04] [SPEAKER_02]: it's the practicalities of life isn't it so you we can see it all over all of the world
[00:17:08] [SPEAKER_02]: we see a mobilization of intents and such like and sometimes our best self can be quite ugly
[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_02]: can't it because we're having to deal with ugly situations and it's and sometimes in terms of
[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_02]: our resilience we have to understand that we have to adapt different strategies not always
[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_02]: about being passive and you know sometimes we have to defend ourselves and look after ourselves
[00:17:32] [SPEAKER_02]: and and i think you made a really interesting point which is that when somebody's being
[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_02]: horrible or offensive or whatever it is they're doing it because it usually gets their reaction
[00:17:41] [SPEAKER_02]: they want and you not joining in is the key with this isn't it so it's tricky when there's
[00:17:48] [SPEAKER_02]: politics involved but i mean at a one-to-one level that's really all that's all it's about
[00:17:52] [SPEAKER_00]: really isn't it it is yeah it is and it's just you know i think that there is just
[00:17:59] [SPEAKER_00]: this culture that we have allowed to happen where we're just engaging on this surface level
[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_00]: where we're not really looking at well what what's going on underneath that might cause
[00:18:12] [SPEAKER_00]: the person to do this to another human being you know there there's so much there's so many
[00:18:20] [SPEAKER_00]: things you know that we can look at from childhood traumas to ptsd to things that might
[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_00]: have happened in one's life to make them the way that they are and it's really important
[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_00]: that you know we kind of hone back a little bit and say okay what did this person go through
[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_00]: that made them like this to to to cause the reactions that they're they're doing
[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_00]: one of our projects is called the text pledge project we engage students to look at 10 of the
[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_00]: biggest epidemics that we're seeing in society and that takes you know distract distracted driving
[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_00]: discrimination acts of violence with or without weapons and then there's so many others but
[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_00]: we engage students to become mentally more emotionally intelligent and then we also
[00:19:17] [SPEAKER_00]: engage them to protect themselves a little bit more protect the environment and animal
[00:19:21] [SPEAKER_00]: rights and so that became um dr. Thackeray a result of my car accident so i was hit by a
[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_00]: distracted driver and i became a savant and so then i spent seven and a half years of research
[00:19:37] [SPEAKER_00]: um you know uh with teams coming up with this project so that we could bring out some
[00:19:44] [SPEAKER_00]: deliverables to the education systems that might help create a more peaceful society
[00:19:51] [SPEAKER_02]: overall um for our youth that's excellent work um okay so so you talked about emotional intelligence
[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_02]: i know you've got an anxiety tool okay and it's interesting in the books front because a lot of
[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_02]: i talk to lots of people who've written one book and so it's very admirable when you've
[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_02]: written many and i suppose once you've written one it's easier to write the next but um but
[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_02]: i mean you've got lots and some of them are gay towards adults would you say and some towards
[00:20:18] [SPEAKER_00]: youths would you say is that is that the sort of idea yes yeah so um you know i would love to take
[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_00]: credit for all these amazing books but i can't because i do have teams that come together and
[00:20:32] [SPEAKER_00]: we talk and we put these together um most of them are ebooks they're about 60 to 75 pages
[00:20:38] [SPEAKER_00]: and um they have lots of pictures and and they're pretty easy reads um yes we have uh
[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_00]: three um three really good ones for youth and adults uh coping with grief uh overcoming anxiety
[00:20:54] [SPEAKER_00]: and um for youth we have um for the lowest for youngest levels we have uh coping with grief too
[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_00]: so um and then we we do have another one on our mindset um and you know again i would love
[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_00]: love to take credit for all these but i i cannot i do have an amazing assistant who helps with the
[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_00]: the youth books and um she's been really incredible but with the techs pledge we have
[00:21:22] [SPEAKER_00]: an education team that has developed uh these curriculums so yeah there's lots of uh lots of
[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_00]: people behind this all of our work so um but yeah you know if you wanted to talk on
[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_00]: anxiety um yeah i'd be more than happy to for a couple moments and then you know share with
[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_00]: you a little bit on the grief too um you know with anxiety we all get anxious from time to time
[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_00]: no matter what we're going through um and again it's taking the moments that we need to take
[00:21:58] [SPEAKER_00]: slowing down breathing one of the most important things we can do when we're
[00:22:04] [SPEAKER_00]: going through those panic attacks or those anxiety moments is to really just sit down and say
[00:22:13] [SPEAKER_00]: you know take a deep breath and count back 10 you know 10 9 8 7 6 you know and take those
[00:22:21] [SPEAKER_00]: moments in between each number to take those moments in and say okay i'm gonna get through
[00:22:29] [SPEAKER_00]: no matter what it is and we're gonna keep moving forward um when panic ensues and anxiety ensues
[00:22:37] [SPEAKER_00]: it's so so stressful i know it i've been through it and it is probably one of the most
[00:22:44] [SPEAKER_00]: scariest things that one can go through i look at it is like it is a crisis state
[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_00]: because at times it can be for a lot of people and i explain that the brain's ability
[00:22:58] [SPEAKER_00]: when in crisis mode is to freeze to flight to fight or to fawn and we never know on how
[00:23:06] [SPEAKER_00]: one's brain is going to act when it's in crisis and so it's really important that we just sit
[00:23:12] [SPEAKER_00]: there for a moment there's a there's a verse in the bible i'm not sure if any of you are
[00:23:18] [SPEAKER_00]: religious or not but i really am it says be still unknown so shut your eyes for five minutes
[00:23:24] [SPEAKER_00]: and just say you know please get me through this whatever i'm challenged with just get
[00:23:29] [SPEAKER_00]: me through this i know that my situation will change and so that's probably one of the most
[00:23:36] [SPEAKER_00]: important things that we can do when we're having an anxiety or panic attack now i would
[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_00]: love to speak with speak with you on grief and overcoming that for a moment um so my um
[00:23:52] [SPEAKER_00]: one of my very close friends about seven years ago was dealing with a mental illness that i was not
[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_00]: that familiar with she came into my life and i had not known her for very long
[00:24:07] [SPEAKER_00]: and um she had called me one night saying that she was in a crisis mode and that could i come
[00:24:14] [SPEAKER_00]: over well this was really really late at night and i had i could not come over at that
[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_00]: she had called five other people too that same night we had given her a couple tactics to use
[00:24:27] [SPEAKER_00]: but she she she chose not to use them and she ended up taking her life so it was very very
[00:24:37] [SPEAKER_00]: difficult for me back then um to get through that because i had some guilt um within myself
[00:24:44] [SPEAKER_00]: i had to kind of get through on the should have and what i was and could have right one thing i do
[00:24:50] [SPEAKER_00]: talk about is that when um we never know what tomorrow can bring you know we're seeing lots
[00:24:59] [SPEAKER_00]: of catastrophes happen all over the world and violence and there's so many things that happen
[00:25:05] [SPEAKER_00]: and of course we want to protect ourselves as much as we can but we just never know when we
[00:25:14] [SPEAKER_00]: know students and and even my uncle you know are we're victims to walking out of the door
[00:25:21] [SPEAKER_00]: thinking everything was going to be okay and the next thing you know they're gone so we really have
[00:25:27] [SPEAKER_00]: i really talk about um making sure that when we're presenting our best self put that positive
[00:25:35] [SPEAKER_00]: energy out there never negative because we never know if we're going to have that interaction
[00:25:39] [SPEAKER_00]: with someone again um but overcoming the grief that takes some time it's not easy to get over
[00:25:48] [SPEAKER_00]: some of the things that we can do is to really um think about the times that that person was
[00:25:55] [SPEAKER_00]: in your life and think about the good things that they did and the things that made you
[00:26:00] [SPEAKER_00]: laugh and smile and and all the joyous times that you had some of the things that we would
[00:26:07] [SPEAKER_00]: do is get together as friends and and remember the things that she would do that made us laugh
[00:26:12] [SPEAKER_00]: we would write them all down even if it was just we spent an hour together reminiscing
[00:26:17] [SPEAKER_00]: and so that's a great way to remember your loved one another thing that i would do was um
[00:26:25] [SPEAKER_00]: because i was struck in with so much guilt of the shoulda would have could have i would sit
[00:26:30] [SPEAKER_00]: there for about 15 minutes and just say a nightly prayer i would pray to god to know
[00:26:35] [SPEAKER_00]: she was okay and in heaven and just to know that um she was at peace and asked god for guidance
[00:26:44] [SPEAKER_00]: to to keep giving her that peace in her soul i really believe in god and the spirit world
[00:26:51] [SPEAKER_00]: and i believe that we do have uh heaven here after earth so um that those are just my tips
[00:26:59] [SPEAKER_02]: there's some really practical things that and i think um you're right sometimes we um forget
[00:27:04] [SPEAKER_02]: to celebrate um because because we're dealing with the grief side which is about our loss we
[00:27:09] [SPEAKER_02]: forget the positive side of things so so Naomi if people want to find out more about your work
[00:27:14] [SPEAKER_02]: or to access all these different resources how do they do that all right you can go to
[00:27:21] [SPEAKER_00]: neomielreiley.com to learn more about me and my portfolio and everything that i do and my team
[00:27:28] [SPEAKER_02]: very good and that's uh riley with r-i-l-e-y so it's yes yes r-i-l-e-y
[00:27:35] [SPEAKER_00]: yeah and i will give you um i'll give you all a free book you guys can download and and um
[00:27:41] [SPEAKER_00]: read for all you want you can stick it right on the website
[00:27:46] [SPEAKER_02]: fantastic you see generosity that's so wonderful generous and spirit as well as deed thank you
[00:27:50] [SPEAKER_00]: so much for spending time with us today thank you so much for having me in a pleasure
[00:27:56] [SPEAKER_02]: thank you so much do you take care yes you too
[00:28:01] [SPEAKER_02]: hi thanks for listening hopefully that was a useful and interesting episode as i said earlier
[00:28:06] [SPEAKER_02]: you can support our work by leaving a review which does drive enhanced exposure or you can
[00:28:12] [SPEAKER_02]: donate on our site which is at qedod.com you can purchase our series of books all about
[00:28:19] [SPEAKER_02]: unravelling resilience leadership management and anxiety at qedod.com forward slash extras along
[00:28:26] [SPEAKER_02]: with some other free resources available on the site we've also got a patreon page and you of
[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_02]: course can send us questions ideas thoughts conversations and fresh subjects at info at
[00:28:42] [SPEAKER_02]: qedod.com hopefully there's something there for you catch you next time around

