Paul Gencarella - Mindset Mastery

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[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Hey and welcome back to Resilience Unravelled and I'm sitting in the north east of England

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_01]: sweltering in a heat wave at the moment. I mean there are people just burning up on the streets

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_01]: all. Can you believe it? It's absolutely roasting in the UK. We're at something like

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_01]: 70, 20 degrees. Wow! For us this is massive and I know you're in the north east of America.

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_01]: So first of all welcome to my guest Paul Gencarella who has a fantastic name. Sounds

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_00]: awesome. I'll comment on our weather. In May we're usually having the temperature that you do but

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_00]: we are probably I would say 10 degrees lower in Celsius. I had to do the conversion when you

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_00]: said 20 so I said you're on 70 degrees Fahrenheit. Right so but things are well

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_01]: in the north east of the states. Yeah I'm glad to hear that this global warming thing

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_01]: that doesn't exist according to some people in the world sure seems to be doing something.

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_01]: So anyway look it's a joy to talk to you today. I'm looking forward to this episode very much.

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_01]: You're talking about one of my favorite subjects but maybe kick us off by telling

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_01]: us a little bit about yourself and a little bit about your background. Absolutely thank you Russell

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_00]: and yeah I'm from the United States. I'm from the smallest state in the United States,

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Rhode Island. Born and raised there however I spent maybe 31 years ago. I was studied abroad

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_00]: in Florence Italy and I went all over Europe including England so I had a great experience.

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I probably experienced more Europe than I did the United States at the time

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00]: but it's been it was fantastic. I met my wife at my university in Massachusetts,

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Assumption College. We have three children two are in college now one's at the University

[00:03:08] [SPEAKER_00]: of Massachusetts the other is out of business school in Massachusetts and I have a daughter

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: graduating high school. And I'd be remiss without to mention my three-year-old mini

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Aussie he's the one that shows me the most affection in the house Russell that's for sure

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_01]: well at least consistently anyway. And I love the fact that you're sitting in front of a

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_01]: poster that says be kind to your mind which is something I'm very keen on so obviously

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_01]: we're both people with a grit of degree of experience in the world looking at

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_01]: our respective faces and so our weathered like lines so you know seen life. So tell us a bit

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_00]: about yourself Paul. Yeah so I started in the insurance business right out of college in 1994

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_00]: and I spent 25 years in that industry. I thought I was going to retire from that industry

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00]: but it took a turn for the better I would say at the time it didn't feel that way

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_00]: but I got into the personal growth and development industry online and my objective

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_00]: was to become a speaker and that's kind of difficult that's like saying you want to be

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_00]: an actor you know what I mean you know so jump on stage and start talking you know

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_00]: and people need to know what you do what you're about and things. And I started

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_00]: putting together a lot of life lessons that I've learned and it really shed some light on

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: not only my nearby audience but the audience that I have online and people really have started

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00]: saying geez I'd like to do this this or this and you know and I basically showed them

[00:04:50] [SPEAKER_00]: the formula on how to do that. And really it's been very very very good in that respect so

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I've been very blessed. We like being blessed so I mean interesting about insurance because

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_01]: insurance and resilience goes a lot together because a lot of this is about managing risk

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_01]: it's about building capacity in the system it's about mitigating risk and it's about

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_01]: learning the lessons when things go wrong isn't it? So yeah I'm wondering how your

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00]: time in insurance informed your latest practice. Yeah well I think being in the insurance

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00]: business was a challenge coming right out of college because I entered the life insurance

[00:05:35] [SPEAKER_00]: industry and you know not many 22 year olds are looking to buy life insurance and that was my

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_00]: you know my association at that point. So it really helped me not so much with my selling

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00]: skills which it did but it helped me with my life skills and in helping people protect their

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00]: lives their assets because I got into the business insurance that's really I specialized

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_00]: later in my career was with contractors restaurants businesses and ensuring their

[00:06:06] [SPEAKER_00]: their business there and my the way that I ended up where I ended up was long story short

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I was fired from my insurance job. Interesting. We merged I didn't choose to buy the agency

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_00]: and we merged with another agency Russell which was much bigger which was great for me because I

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_00]: could get more accounts now. Well I had somewhat of a mental breakdown maybe six months into that

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_00]: merger and it was because I was just so focused on just selling and I got overwhelmed

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I was diagnosed I found myself living in a psychiatric institution and I was diagnosed

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_00]: with bipolar and it was just it felt like it was out of nowhere but I wasn't paying attention

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_00]: to what my thought process was you know what I mean it's like a guy that's smoking constantly

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_00]: 80 cigarettes a day and he develops lung cancer well no duh. Surprise. It's the same

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_00]: with my thought process if you start doing that negative thinking and you know continuing

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_00]: it you're going to have a breakdown at some point and really the kicker was that whole

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_00]: after I just wanted to get back to the way I was well what that what that what happened

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Russell was getting back to the way it was landed me in the psychiatric institution again

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_00]: wow so then it was a wake-up call for me and at that point I think the people that

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_00]: that I did the merger with are scratching their heads thinking we got bad goods here this guy

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_00]: you know we hire him he goes into a psychiatric institution twice in a year

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_00]: so I got fired and again everything worked out well there was a you know a wrongful termination

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_00]: to in things but there's no heart ill will there's no hard feelings as a matter of fact

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00]: I've saw my employer a couple of times and we've had good conversation the point being is

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_00]: it's not what happens to you Russell it's how you respond to it right absolutely and I had

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00]: live that I wasn't living this I was blaming and I was saying well jeez if this didn't happen

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00]: or if that didn't happen and you can't operate life that way um you know and the other thing

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_00]: when my son it was 2009 well into my insurance career he was five years old first day of

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_00]: kindergarten he's playing on a chair backwards waiting for the bus he's outside and he falls

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_00]: off the porch onto the concrete and smashes his head so my wife is absolutely beside herself

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_00]: doesn't know what's going on she sees his eye bleeding above his eye takes him to the doctor

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00]: the doctor actually cleared him said he's gonna be fine it's just a minor scrape there's no

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_00]: issues with his sight sent him off to school well two more two um two days later he woke up

[00:08:56] [SPEAKER_00]: and he said that he peed blood in the toilets and I said oh jeez my wife and I

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_00]: looked at each other we said oh jeez that's probably from the fall so you know he was a

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_00]: little shaken up a little nervous what turned out to be it was a cancerous tumor on his kidney

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00]: so when he fell it's it ruptured and sent blood to his thank god because if it didn't

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_00]: it you know might have been three weeks three months three years down the road

[00:09:24] [SPEAKER_00]: could have spread to his lung you know because that's a common area where it goes

[00:09:27] [SPEAKER_00]: but thankfully it was contained so our what my wife and I handle everything in stride partly

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_00]: because we wanted to put on a good representation for him if we're panicked and scared he's going

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_00]: to be that way you know as a five-year-old so we were just upbeat we wouldn't you know

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_00]: we said cancer in front of him we wouldn't hide the word or anything we just were matter

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_00]: of fact about what his disease was and a month later I was diagnosed with cancer you

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_00]: know partly because of him because I was checking myself and I learned that I had

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_00]: testicular cancer oh my goodness which which was a blessing because now my son could hang out

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_00]: with dad and we share the same thing and it's I'm not that different you know and we both

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_00]: thankfully you know survived and we and I busted his chops I said hey I have a better

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_00]: survival rate than you yeah he kind of laughed you know at five years old he kind of could

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_00]: take that and understand so it was it turned out to be a blessing in that respect so that's

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_00]: one of my you know I keynotes when I speak that's one of the messages that I bring it's

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_00]: not so much what happens to you it's how you respond to it you know that's everything

[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah you know so you're getting into the subject which we speak on really which is

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_01]: all about mindset so so how do you define mindset because there are many different ways

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_01]: thinking about it so where do you let's start there yeah that that that's a good place to start

[00:10:54] [SPEAKER_00]: because mindset for me Russell may be different for what it is for you so me as a speaker and

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_00]: a coach if I'm meeting with you one-on-one I would ask you you know what are your goals

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00]: your objectives you know your aspirations in life and believe it or not 97 percent of the

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_00]: people I say that statistic I don't know if it's that accurate but a majority yeah of the

[00:11:18] [SPEAKER_00]: people don't know what they want yeah and if they do they certainly don't know how to get it

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_00]: you know and they're not going about it the right way so mindset first everything starts with

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_00]: a thought then that thought goes to a feeling the feeling to an action and then that action

[00:11:33] [SPEAKER_00]: gives you results you know and that's ultimately what people base their lives and oh geez I

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_00]: don't have anything in my bank account I'm not going to do much better than this because

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_00]: basing it off what they presently have and not what they want and that and that's the key and

[00:11:48] [SPEAKER_00]: the mindset is the big shift because our subconscious mind drives it all that's the emotional mind

[00:11:55] [SPEAKER_00]: but what's generally down there that paradigm that's holding us to what we presently have

[00:12:00] [SPEAKER_00]: which was put in there from people that raised us whether it's our environment our genetics

[00:12:05] [SPEAKER_00]: in a combination of both so that's what kind of runs our mindset so yes so I mean there

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_01]: are many different models of mindset and as you as you say some people start the other way around

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_01]: some people start that way and you know that cognitive psychology approach is good I happen

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_01]: to agree with you but there are lots of people who wouldn't but that's okay every it's sometimes

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_01]: it's what works isn't it so I guess what you're saying is if you can control the

[00:12:30] [SPEAKER_01]: thoughts you can control the feelings you control your actions so you're going to go

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_01]: back I guess and talk about choices because actually what you're saying is every single

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_01]: every single reaction is formed from some sort of choice that someone's come from

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_00]: yeah is that what you're thinking yeah that that that's exactly right but it's also

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_00]: repetition you know if I want to teach you to ride a bike you've never ridden it before

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_00]: it's going to be a heck of a process you know I mean you can read about how to ride

[00:12:57] [SPEAKER_00]: a bike and you know how the mechanics and how but you have to actually get on the bike

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_00]: so that's the action part you know it's not just thinking about how to ride a bike

[00:13:05] [SPEAKER_00]: it's actually getting there and riding the bike and then with repetition comes self-confidence

[00:13:10] [SPEAKER_00]: and that's in anything whether it's dating whether it's your diet whether it's your job

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_00]: your career your vocation whatever it may be once you have that repetition of the mindset

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_00]: in a positive way you'll be able to get that paradigm shifted and that paradigm starts to

[00:13:26] [SPEAKER_00]: shift and then you know because you can't outperform your self-image and once you

[00:13:30] [SPEAKER_00]: yourself image that's when that's when things go you know go well so one of the challenges with

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_01]: the approach you've come up with is this idea that actually all you need is lots of willpower

[00:13:44] [SPEAKER_01]: and you can pretty well achieve anything because willpower is a cognitive process

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_01]: so but of course there's a lot of evidence that shows that's not the case so so what do

[00:13:53] [SPEAKER_01]: you think about willpower and how it fits into the equation because you have to have

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_00]: but you've also got to stick to things as well yeah and willpower can work negatively as well

[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_00]: yeah i mean so sometimes for some people they can go to the gym and drop 30 pounds no problem

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_00]: there's not much willpower there but the other thing is they can also imagine a terrible

[00:14:14] [SPEAKER_00]: scenario that's going to happen or whatever and they can worry themselves and get themselves

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_00]: sick you know physically so it can work this formula that i have and that is centuries

[00:14:26] [SPEAKER_00]: thousands of years old can be worth your advantage or your disadvantage so the challenge that you have

[00:14:32] [SPEAKER_00]: is that as much good that can happen same as with negative can happen so you have to focus

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_00]: and be aware of what's going into your your mind the researchers have said that we think

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_00]: anywhere from 60 000 to 90 000 thoughts a day you know and and and i would probably buy that

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_00]: but what they also said was 80 percent of them are negative you know so you have a lot of you

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_00]: know you have a lot of enemy in front of you as far as if you want to get positive thinking

[00:15:05] [SPEAKER_01]: so that's that's an interesting thing isn't it because um part of the dynamic of what

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_01]: we're saying is that there's sort of no such thing as positive or negative it's just stuff

[00:15:14] [SPEAKER_01]: and it's your choice to make it positive or negative that's a great point that's a great

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_00]: i love the fact that you brought that up because everything just is energy just is when it comes

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_00]: into your mind we you and i and everybody else we either turn it into a positive or a negative

[00:15:34] [SPEAKER_00]: yeah i mean that's why you have a guy that has a lecture and you have the same people

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_00]: in the audience that says it was terrible or it was good you know i mean they interpret

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_00]: whatever they want you know out of it but yes energy just is and when that thought energy

[00:15:45] [SPEAKER_00]: comes in that's when we change it to a positive or negative and again with the cancer example

[00:15:50] [SPEAKER_00]: that i gave you my wife and i subconsciously basically chose to be positive about you know

[00:15:55] [SPEAKER_00]: we didn't want to have any negativities you know shed on my on our son's you know well-being

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_00]: so yeah you know so that was a great that was a great point that you made right there

[00:16:06] [SPEAKER_01]: so true so what sort of obviously you're a coach and you know we both both do something

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_01]: what are the sorts of um you said you sort of had a methodology or a system what tell us a bit about

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_00]: that yeah so so the methodology truly is figuring out number one what what you want in your life

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_00]: you know what what aspiration do you want do you want a better marriage a better relationship

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_00]: with your children better relationship with your co-workers a different culture in your house

[00:16:37] [SPEAKER_00]: whatever it may be your health it could be mental health it could be your physical health

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_00]: find out what exactly it is that you want could be your income i've had people say

[00:16:46] [SPEAKER_00]: i heard you mentioned paul that you can take your annual income and turn it into your

[00:16:49] [SPEAKER_00]: monthly income how do i do that that's the question how well first of all why do you want

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_00]: to do that you know i mean you have to have something that's going to drive you

[00:16:57] [SPEAKER_00]: you know these ultra achievers in our life that we've seen in history didn't just come

[00:17:02] [SPEAKER_00]: by accident like wal-vison you know the the right brothers you know i mean uh roger banister who

[00:17:08] [SPEAKER_00]: broke the four-minute mile you know sir edmund hillary climbed everest they just didn't have

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_00]: a passive feeling about it yeah yeah they were gung-ho they were really determined

[00:17:18] [SPEAKER_00]: most professional athletes have that mentality that they want to play soccer or football as

[00:17:24] [SPEAKER_00]: you folks would call it um baseball whatever it may be yeah you know yeah right exactly so

[00:17:31] [SPEAKER_00]: that that's that's first so once you have the burning desire and that's difficult to get for

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_00]: some people you have to really figure out what they want so once they have the burning desire

[00:17:41] [SPEAKER_00]: then it's the methodology okay of how do we go about it what needs to happen and

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_00]: and how does that process look and it's a do you believe do you believe anyone can achieve

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_00]: anything absolutely i never did i used to think you know i used to think i wasn't

[00:17:59] [SPEAKER_00]: entrepreneurial you know well of course i wasn't because i kept saying that and that's how i

[00:18:04] [SPEAKER_00]: ingrained myself i'm not an entrepreneurial a father would say that to his son he's not this

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_00]: this you know i mean so you can condition someone to be a way they are a way they aren't

[00:18:13] [SPEAKER_00]: you know so so i truly believe if someone told me you're never going to desire something

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_00]: that you can't possibly have yeah you're never going to want it in other words i may

[00:18:23] [SPEAKER_00]: want to be a professional basketball player but at 52 years old you know i mean i wouldn't

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_00]: think i'm going to desire that and i don't you know what i my desire is is to is to bring the

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_00]: best out of every person i interact with that's it you know i mean whether it's a it's a hello

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_00]: it's not a flattery thing but a genuine compliment russell that's that's what it's all

[00:18:47] [SPEAKER_00]: about is really bringing the best out of someone else you know we can people say they

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_00]: want to help other people well yeah i do too but who wants to help someone that doesn't

[00:18:56] [SPEAKER_00]: really want to help or just wants a handout you know i mean that's that's social service we want

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_00]: the person that you know wants to learn to fish so we teach them to fish not just give them the

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_00]: fish you know what i mean you've heard that example i'm sure yeah so that that's really

[00:19:10] [SPEAKER_01]: what really gets my juices flowing but but that's interesting what you're saying there

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_01]: because you're sort of making a distinction between the uh what they want why they want it

[00:19:21] [SPEAKER_01]: and how they're going to get it because i think people don't think about that enough

[00:19:25] [SPEAKER_01]: so i meet people who uh they come and say things like i want to run my own business and i'll say

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_01]: well okay well you know very similar to you why do you want to do that and they'll talk about

[00:19:34] [SPEAKER_01]: all the reasons why and i'll say well you can easily achieve all those things you just said

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_01]: by staying in the job you are doing at the moment and you will get there so what is it

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_01]: about what is it about running a business and i think a lot of people think that the way you

[00:19:47] [SPEAKER_01]: get things is to change all the time when sometimes the way to get things that you truly

[00:19:51] [SPEAKER_01]: want is to to double down on the thing you don't like doing and actually understand why

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_01]: you're doing it because it's leading you somewhere that you want to go so i like that concept of the

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_01]: the why that you've mentioned there i think that's really important and i remember someone

[00:20:03] [SPEAKER_01]: very clever and it's not me so i remember someone saying a person with a goal without

[00:20:07] [SPEAKER_01]: and a person with a goal but with no plan is a man has many dreams and i think that's

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_01]: important as well we don't think enough about the planning bit do we we spend a lot of time

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_01]: and doing affirmations and manifesting and all that sort of nonsense but you know sometimes

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_01]: just needs what i'm going to do today tomorrow the day after what are your thoughts yeah and

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_00]: and you you you triggered a thought for me in what you had said there it's it's it's the law

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_00]: of cause and effect you know if if i put out a positive thought energy if i say positive things

[00:20:45] [SPEAKER_00]: if my actions constitute positivity so to speak that will come back to me at some points not

[00:20:52] [SPEAKER_00]: karma some people call it karma but it will come back into your life and it may be a different

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_00]: form but it will come back to you so the same with negativity as well so the breakdown

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_00]: that i was told through my mentor which was bob proctor originally and now it's a rush

[00:21:10] [SPEAKER_00]: sugi who is one of his biggest students they basically had said to me it's it's the cause

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_00]: and effect of don't focus so much on the effect focus on the cause and the effect will work

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_00]: itself out you know focus on planting the seeds and you'll get flowers don't focus on

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_00]: trying to get flowers and pruning and stuff just plant seeds yeah but then you've got to

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_01]: but then you've got to tend the season again people are quite poor at that bit aren't they

[00:21:36] [SPEAKER_01]: quite good at manifesting having a plan starting off and then giving up and getting lost and

[00:21:43] [SPEAKER_01]: it's interesting that thing what you've said there about man sending positive energy into

[00:21:47] [SPEAKER_01]: the world you see i always wonder about that because if everything we send is our choice

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_01]: of what's positive and it's the choice of anybody else to see that's positive or not

[00:21:55] [SPEAKER_01]: so for me all you're doing is sending energy it doesn't really matter for me it doesn't

[00:22:00] [SPEAKER_01]: matter if it's positive or negative because it's somebody else's choice where they see that

[00:22:05] [SPEAKER_00]: i agree with you and the only don't have to right no i agree with what you're saying because it makes

[00:22:12] [SPEAKER_00]: perfect sense but my point is we can get wrapped up in semantics here but if i think

[00:22:18] [SPEAKER_00]: about revenge and how russell really did me wrong and he stole money from me and and i just

[00:22:25] [SPEAKER_00]: have evil thoughts to you that's i'm just going to manifest more of that same type of

[00:22:30] [SPEAKER_00]: whether it's positive or negative whatever you want to call it but the point is that that's

[00:22:35] [SPEAKER_00]: that's my point but if i let it go and i let go of the resentment and the angry feelings about

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_00]: a person that did me wrong and i actually in my case i pray for them um it's only going to

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_00]: help me and them you know and other people would say well geez i don't want that guy to

[00:22:51] [SPEAKER_00]: be blessed hell with him he did wrong you know that's not the mentality that's why we have

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_00]: you know a problem with palestine in israel you know let's not go there

[00:23:04] [SPEAKER_00]: god forbid please god let's not but that's the problem you know with with with things you know

[00:23:11] [SPEAKER_00]: you gotta you gotta love you gotta lead with love truly not not okay i'm gonna love that person

[00:23:18] [SPEAKER_00]: until they hate me you know then i'm gonna hate no you can't be that way no it's interesting

[00:23:24] [SPEAKER_01]: um i mean i like the methodology because i'm a cognitive psychologist as well so you know i get

[00:23:29] [SPEAKER_01]: that understand positive psychology to see what you're coming from so so before we get to the

[00:23:34] [SPEAKER_01]: how do people find you and that sort of stuff um there are thousands of coaches out there

[00:23:39] [SPEAKER_01]: thousands thousands actually hundreds of thousands of coaches so why should someone come to you

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_01]: rather than anyone else i mean what is it about you that's different or unique or special or

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_00]: yeah this is the open door walk through it that's absolutely i think that's a fantastic

[00:23:56] [SPEAKER_00]: question because you set it up in the sense that yeah this i would say there's probably

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_00]: hundreds of thousands of coaches and people i think now but what makes someone different

[00:24:07] [SPEAKER_00]: is the presentation are they refined do they have a good presentation are they looking out

[00:24:14] [SPEAKER_00]: for the best interest in the person that they're talking with and some people yes may

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_00]: have that but if they don't convey that and they're not practicing the repetition

[00:24:23] [SPEAKER_00]: it's not becoming ingrained in them you know and your your your i should say my

[00:24:29] [SPEAKER_00]: my business my coaching business my speaking business if i'm passionate about it i have to

[00:24:36] [SPEAKER_00]: study it every day so that's why i study an hour a day of myself basically i study the

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_00]: persona and how it works and what what's gonna help by me being a better person i'm gonna be

[00:24:48] [SPEAKER_00]: a better coach a better husband a better father you know all of those things when i when i

[00:24:54] [SPEAKER_00]: increase my self-image so you know um i tend to as far as my differentiation is

[00:25:02] [SPEAKER_00]: is lightheartedness you know i mean i'm a big guy that likes humor you know and i

[00:25:07] [SPEAKER_00]: i'm pretty sarcastic in some respects you know what i mean but i i think that helps you

[00:25:12] [SPEAKER_00]: relate to people well you know what i mean i just i just i just love that you know uh so

[00:25:18] [SPEAKER_00]: i i would say definitively it's really getting to know that the person with with with the

[00:25:25] [SPEAKER_01]: whole process i mean the good thing is that there are many more problems and coaches so

[00:25:29] [SPEAKER_01]: it's about finding someone with whom anyone can relate isn't it so yeah no for sure i can

[00:25:34] [SPEAKER_01]: say the same thing 20 times and then you come along say the same thing and then they get it

[00:25:37] [SPEAKER_01]: from you they don't get it from me and i think that's the beauty of the world we're in

[00:25:40] [SPEAKER_01]: person development space so yeah so um so accident i was talking to you got a wonderful

[00:25:46] [SPEAKER_01]: accent i love loves listening to the accent what is the irish irish italian name and all

[00:25:51] [SPEAKER_00]: right it's the northeast of the united states probably the truck driver accident boston it's

[00:25:56] [SPEAKER_01]: very good i like it yes great but look how do people find out more about your work how do

[00:26:00] [SPEAKER_01]: people find out more about you how can people make contact with you yeah the easy the easiest

[00:26:06] [SPEAKER_00]: text line i got a text line that most people say what did you say here or what is what does

[00:26:11] [SPEAKER_00]: this mean and you know i mean i can engage with them in that respect my uh you know my my

[00:26:16] [SPEAKER_00]: text number my country code is one area code 401 7410162 and i can send you my contact info

[00:26:25] [SPEAKER_00]: my text line my website um and any my any one of my social media accounts as well so we can

[00:26:31] [SPEAKER_01]: put that on the yeah we'll put another thing but just for the sake of the completeness in here

[00:26:36] [SPEAKER_01]: your website's mindset mastery dot speak dream listen dot com yes which is which is great

[00:26:44] [SPEAKER_00]: it's a mouthful like you said it is it's um it says it all right it does and and again

[00:26:52] [SPEAKER_00]: most people i say most are apprehensive because like all right what's this guy going to sell me

[00:26:59] [SPEAKER_00]: i've helped more people just in like a text conversation you know what i mean and then

[00:27:05] [SPEAKER_00]: you know obviously it may have come come around that they wanted to get something more

[00:27:08] [SPEAKER_00]: in depth but i've helped people out by just by just telling them hey listen simple as this

[00:27:14] [SPEAKER_00]: take every day get a journal in one through ten list things that you're grateful for that

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_00]: day and then if you want to get fancy one through five what you're grateful for six

[00:27:26] [SPEAKER_00]: through ten what you're grateful for that's gonna manifest that's gonna happen you know

[00:27:30] [SPEAKER_00]: what i mean i'm gonna get two million dollars more a year in income or whatever it may be

[00:27:34] [SPEAKER_00]: you know um that that has been a game changer for myself russell uh because once you put

[00:27:40] [SPEAKER_00]: yourself in the mat and the attitude of gratitude once you're uh have that in set

[00:27:46] [SPEAKER_00]: when you're feeling down and you're feeling anxious or whatever you have an arsenal there

[00:27:52] [SPEAKER_00]: to tap from that yeah but when you're feeling down and depressed and you don't have that

[00:27:58] [SPEAKER_00]: that's the toughest time to get out of depression was when you're depressed

[00:28:02] [SPEAKER_00]: you know i mean you need some material there you need some some ammunition

[00:28:05] [SPEAKER_00]: and that's what that gratitude exercise has been a great help for me so that's just one

[00:28:10] [SPEAKER_01]: one small thing that you can do you know good well i mean that's very practical and um

[00:28:18] [SPEAKER_01]: i don't know what else to say because i totally agree we keep agreeing it's not healthy

[00:28:21] [SPEAKER_01]: for us you know i know we gotta have a debate next time right let's talk about really fine

[00:28:25] [SPEAKER_01]: we're gonna talk about chickens or something and uh lovely to talk to you have a great rest of

[00:28:32] [SPEAKER_01]: the day and um thank you so much for joining us today i really really do appreciate your time

[00:28:36] [SPEAKER_00]: thank you russia yeah i appreciate your your hospitality as well pleasure take care

[00:28:43] [SPEAKER_01]: hi thanks for listening hopefully that was a useful and interesting episode as i said earlier

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