Veronica Mason on Identity, Mindset, and Post-Traumatic Growth After a Life-Changing Accident

[00:00:03] Hi, I'm Dr. Russell Thackeray and welcome to Resilience Unravelled, a podcast with new ideas, new thoughts, and new thinking about resilience. Guests with remarkable stories, products and services that can really power up your own mindset and resilience. You can also go to our site for more information, to ask questions, or to access some of our resources at resilienceunravelled.com. Let's get started.

[00:00:31] Hello and welcome back to Resilience Unravelled and welcome to Veronica Mason, who's joining me from all the way from Australia, I believe. Is that right, Veronica? That's right. I'm living here in Bondi Beach, so definitely from Sydney, Australia. You live on Bondi Beach, do you? I live, yeah, I live about five minutes walk from Bondi Beach. Yeah. So talk about Bondi Beach, because I've been there and it was a fantastic beach and such, but it's got a nice reputation.

[00:00:57] It's really, it's got this awesome sort of charisma, whatever the word is. Yeah. Why is that? It definitely has a really special energy. It's very, I think it really attracts people that are very open-minded and really health conscious and very connected and very aligned and people that are very fascinated with how you can make an impact. And I think that really creates the community around us of people that are very intentional with what they really want to do with themselves.

[00:01:27] And so that's the people that are living here. And of course, it's a tourist location. So everyone that comes here are always smiling. That's actually a really lovely place to live because every time you walk out the door, someone's smiling and happy to be here, even on the worst days. The tourists out on the beach having the best day ever. So it's always lovely to see. Do you think people that live there are people who have those qualities you mentioned, or do you think you get those qualities from living there? I think you have those qualities and you're attracted to the place.

[00:01:54] I think it's definitely one of those really special places in the world where just everyone is just so lovely and super intentional with their lives. And I think the really cool thing about Bondi is it's a 15, 20 minutes drive from our CBD. So in the middle of the city, basically, you can have this beautiful beach suburb. So it's really cool to be able to be a part of that community. Fantastic. I'm not envious at all. I am very envious. Look, thanks for joining me, first of all. And why don't you just tell us a bit about yourself?

[00:02:25] Yeah, sure. So you already know I live in Bondi and I'm very happy to be there. I grew up in Australia, grew up in Sydney and half Australian, half Mauritian. So I've always loved the beach and been enjoying that. And so swimming and being active is a really huge part of my life. And in addition to that, I am a coach and speaker as well as a Neurotech founder. So really always focusing on the frontiers of what it means to perform and be in alignment with yourself.

[00:02:53] And how do you perform without burning out? And how do you actually do that in a way that's true and right for you? So that's what I'm really focused on. And that's what I'm about. Cool. That's an interesting mix of Mauritian and half Australian. How does that make you different, in a way, from someone that would be purely one thing or the other? I think there's a diaspora element as well. So my mum was born in Mauritius and came to Australia and I was really raised Mauritian.

[00:03:21] So my grandmother was a huge part of my life and huge part of my cultural identity as well. And was raised Roman Catholic as a part of that. And our traditions and the foods were really passed down. But of course, I have a whole other part of me, which is Australian, Anglo-Saxon. And what does that kind of mix look like? And I think for me, when I was growing up, I was quite different from a lot of the people that I grew up with.

[00:03:48] And that just made me, from a very young age, realise, even if you are a little bit different, I think it's really important to embrace who you are and be really proud of who you are. And although that may not have been the case when I was younger and not really sure how to do that, I think as I grew up and got a lot more comfortable in my skin, it became such a huge point of pride for me. It is interesting when we're younger, we spend all our time trying to fit in. And if you don't fit in, you often find those people are highly resilient, don't they? They have a crash and burn.

[00:04:17] Or they are resilient. So when did you begin to become proud of who you are? When did you start with the effort to fit in? Because that's really about other people's approvals. Yes. I think that's such a great question. I think I really stopped trying to fit in when I was in high school in some ways, in some kind of, I think very subconscious ways, because obviously when you're in high school, you very much want to fit in. But I think for me, I was really driven. I was really passionate about what I was doing.

[00:04:45] I was very focused on going into my law degree when I was in high school. And not every kid dreams of getting a really good mark and going to school. So I think that really differentiated me. But I think for me, it was always my golden ticket to, for me, especially with a kind of migrant background, education is always the golden ticket to a better life. And I really embraced that. And I understood that from a really visceral level.

[00:05:11] And I think that really differentiated me from a lot of other kids that I was going to high school with, because they didn't have that kind of level of, not foresight, but passion to really create something for themselves. And so I think that's really where it started to develop for myself as well. That's really interesting, because you hear this such a lot, don't you, that migrants, children and migrants, they see the way out from their particular, their starting situation has been education.

[00:05:37] I wonder if that's still the case, because there's a theory now that the same entrepreneurship is the way out rather than education. Is it true or is it just itself? Yeah, I definitely agree. I think there's obviously a combination of both. I think very intelligent people are driven to entrepreneurship because they can see something that other people can't. And probably more importantly, they've got the discipline and motivation to be able to go and do that. And I think when you're thinking about somebody who gets really good grades or something like that,

[00:06:04] it's not necessarily that they're necessarily more talented. Often the case, it's the fact that they've got grit and they've got resilience to get through something along those lines. I'm also part of the LGBTIQA plus community. So for me, being, seeing things from that lens as well and living authentically and what does that look like is also really important as well. And education is a huge part of being able to empower yourself and create a life on your own terms and create independence for yourself. It's interesting.

[00:06:31] And especially at the moment, I don't know which part of the alphabet you're in, but that's a community that's under attack. And it's a community, especially in large parts of the Western world where that, again, that standing out, that being different. It engenders a sense of community for those in it, but it creates an inclusive, exclusive type of thing in it. I wonder, again, how do you cope with that? How do you build resilience to cope with that noise?

[00:06:55] I think for me, I am very certain about who I am and I have my inner circle around me that also know who I am. And I think that is a really important part. I'm also a very strong advocate in the community because I believe that if you've got the privilege to do something and help other people in situations that they're in a tricky situation with, then you should be able to do something about that.

[00:07:22] So I'm part of a charity called the Pinnacle Foundation that helps LGBTIQA plus students get education to round everything back into one. And so that just empowers them to create a life that they might not otherwise have. And so I think even though whether we're talking about the LGBTIQA plus community or other communities that may or may not be facing challenges in the modern kind of environment

[00:07:44] that they may never have even anticipated five, ten years ago, I think seeing the power of humanity and I think reminding everybody that everyone's human and everyone is going through the same human condition I think is really powerful and important. I employed something earlier and it's something I agree with. I just want to check out the implication of True, but you're almost implying that you have a strong circle of friends and you listen to their opinions and care what they think because they matter. And everybody else doesn't matter in a strange sort of way.

[00:08:13] Is that true? Because that's sage advice in a way, isn't it? Yeah. And I think obviously my opinion of me matters the most. And then I think I have really trusted advisors and friends around me that their opinion is, and I really sound counsel on those kinds of things. And inoculating yourself from the outside environment of what that could be like

[00:08:38] and knowing who loves you and who sees you for who you are, I think is a really beautiful gift to be able to give yourself. Yeah. And it's also that thing about being understanding about the difference between valuing opinions of who you are. It's actually not about who you are, but it's about what you do. And I think that's the thing, isn't it? We often listen too much to the opinions about who you are, but actually it's really what you do that matters. And yeah, I like that. I think that's really interesting.

[00:09:05] And I'm guessing, because I know you had a traumatic accident early in the past, I'm guessing that actually you built this sort of mental fortitude because of the difficulty of your face. So tell us about those days when you were 22, 23, and it all seemed to go wrong for you. Yeah. Thanks for that. Yeah. So when I was 23, I was still studying university. I was starting to be an international diplomat and I went overseas on a university excursion

[00:09:29] and basically had an accident on a remote island and broke my back in six places. So I wasn't aware of it at the time. I was actually really fortunate. I broke my wrist and I just knew intuitively I had to come home. And long story short, after two plane rides got to Sydney and they asked if I could feel my legs and I couldn't. And then we learned what had to happen to my back. And for me, I wasn't sure if I'd walk again. I wasn't sure if I'd leave my home.

[00:09:58] I really wasn't even sure if I'd live independently or even live any resemblance of a normal life. Again, my dreams of becoming an international diplomat were obviously over. I didn't think that I could ever live overseas. So for me, it was a huge moment, a watershed moment. And it's one of those moments where your whole life dies and there's nothing you can do to get it back. And I always, especially in the first couple of years, would always think about getting back to baseline.

[00:10:26] But I was never going to ever get back to baseline. I was always just going to have a different iteration of who I was. And so that whole process of healing and recovering from that was physical, obviously, but it was also mental, emotional and in large part spiritual as well, to be able to not just go back to what I was, but actually build a different version of myself and one that could withstand a lot of the challenges that would be faced my way. But not only that, but thrive in those experiences.

[00:10:55] Experiences and what I saw with the kinds of experience that I was going through was it really forced me to re-identify myself and really think about who I wanted to be and how I was going to show up for myself and how I was going to interpret this set of events that had occurred that were completely not expected to happen. And when people talk about resilience and then they talk about post-traumatic growth, I think that's exactly what kind of happened.

[00:11:21] I didn't necessarily think that I had the toolkit to handle that at 23 as a 23-year-old woman. But through that process, I really learned how to manage my mind, eat the right foods, have the right intake of exercise and things of that nature, and ended up graduating from my law degree with honors, which I always say would never have happened without my accent. I just got really focused on what I needed to do and then was very lucky to find technology law as my second love after international law

[00:11:48] and ended up going into places like Google and a large global law firm to be able to practice law for a brief time before going into what I now do, which is coaching. And that was very inspired by that journey. And I think when I was in my 20s, I was just, I was consuming everything that I could in relation to personal development and how do you bounce back from a result? Like, how do you bounce back? How do you build lives? And I think because I was thirsty for that information, that's why I found it, obviously.

[00:12:15] But I was just sitting there thinking, if everyone knew this information, I wonder what the world would be like. I wonder what people would be like. And I wonder if everyone could achieve what they wanted to do. And that was the impetus for me, leaving law and going into coaching. So you give me a lot of things to go out there. So it's interesting that you talk about this idea of, you were young, but this idea of redefining your identity at an early age, because actually it's something that happens, for example, to elite athletes and such, isn't it? You know, they've come to the end of their careers,

[00:12:45] they've got to take this thing you always wanted to do and they've now got to do something else. And you lose that sense of identity as being something, isn't it? And I think we talk about gender identity as being something that's just a casual thing. But people's identity is fundamental to what and who they are. So that's very interesting. The second thing is that you talked about re-engineering your mind and such, and you used diet and exercise, which I think is really brilliant. We'll come back to that. And then you talked about bits, a piece of information, which you wish people had known about. So let's start at the end and say,

[00:13:15] what are the bits, a piece of information you wish that people had known about? Yeah, I think for me, what I'd wish I'd known in that time and therefore what I wish everybody would know is it is so much more about the way that you're perceiving the event that occurs, whether that's good or bad. It's neutral. It's just the application of your definition to it. So I could either live the rest of my life knowing that I have to manage certain things

[00:13:43] for the rest of my life and I could get really down about that. Or I could say this is an opportunity for me to heal and work with what I've got and have a huge level of compassion for myself when I'm sore. And when I'm not sore, I'll do whatever I can to build my life the way that I want it to be. So I think the mindset piece and having the power of your mind, I think is definitely what I wish more people had an understanding of

[00:14:11] because I think it's common sense, but I don't know if it's common knowledge, if that makes sense. And then how do you do that? And how do you navigate those really tricky situations without being kind of Pollyanna about it? How do you allow yourself to sit with the challenging emotions and then transmit them into something that can be a positive force for your life? Interesting. It's interesting all you're saying.

[00:14:39] I agree with everything, but the issue is how, isn't it? It's how you do those things. Now, you and I both are coaches and we both know that using a coach is great, but sometimes it's great to be able to self-coach and that's part of the learning process. But you said that you've delved into a lot of performance self-improvement books. Was there anything that you read or listened to that was particularly? Yeah, my starting point was I listened to Sean Stevenson, who has a podcast called The Model Health Project.

[00:15:09] It sounds very American. And it was all about how do you biohack yourself? He had a very similar story to me that he'd had a chronic back condition at a very young age and he was able to heal that through his lifestyle. And I was just thinking, oh my God, you can change your food. You can change your, this is wild. And then eventually got onto mindset, which I always found so supremely interesting that what you are thinking and how you're moving throughout the world is, it can be impacted by what you think and how you eat and all that kind of thing.

[00:15:38] So that was definitely my first foray. And in terms of books, the magic of thinking big was awesome as well. So how do you actually think big and what does that look like? Yeah. You talk about being a coach, which is fine, and working in corporates as well as individuals, but I'm intrigued at what you'd be coaching in the corporate sense. Is this personal development within a corporate setting or is it business development? How does that work? Yeah, definitely more personal mindset work.

[00:16:05] So I'm a really huge believer of starting off with making sure your nervous system is regulated and then how does that actually impact your performance? So really thinking about all of those different facets of somebody's life and where do we need to remove certain blockers and where do we need to implement certain tools and techniques to get them to where they need to go. And as I was mentioning before, a lot of the work that drives our life isn't necessarily conscious, it's subconscious. So being able to explore that in a really gentle way,

[00:16:34] in a really safe way with clients to get them to the identity that they need to be able to perform on the tasks that they want to do to create the life that they want. And you mentioned earlier, I don't know if I heard you say it, there's something about a self-MBA, which sounds like you've really jumped on the American bandwagon there. So what's that all about? Yeah, definitely. So my concept of a self-MBA is that you know all the answers within you and it's about creating this kind of curriculum, if you will, with coaching

[00:17:02] so that you can access them in the same way that you'd get an MBA. But instead of in business, it's in you so that you've got the tools and techniques that you need in order for you to succeed and excel at whatever it is that you want to do. It's interesting, isn't it? You're saying you know everything you have within you, but actually part of the job of a coach is to keep new stuff as well, isn't it? It's just one of those teeth-sucking, how does that feel? Yeah, absolutely.

[00:17:29] Like I think part of it is education piece and then I think a huge part of being a coach is asking the right questions to unlock the magic within the person. So yes, you're right. There's a knowledge piece that goes with it, but I think the exciting piece is getting the client to have the breakthrough that they need. So if people want to get in touch with you and find out more about you, how would they do that? So they can find me on LinkedIn. They can look up Veronica Mason or they can look up my website,

[00:17:56] which is vrmperformancecoaching.com. It does make me smile actually because my first motor owner was called Veronica. It's not a name you hear very often. I'm having slight flashbacks at the moment. So if you'd like to leave people with one thought, what might that be? I would say if your thoughts can really create your life and your identity can create your life as well. So just be really intentional and be mindful about the things that you want to achieve in your life. I totally agree.

[00:18:26] Thanks so much for spending time with us today, Veronica. It's been great. Thank you. You take care. Hi, I hope you found that episode useful and entertaining. If you want to support our work, please go to resilienceunravel.com and you can become a member there as well. You can also send us a question there and even apply to do a podcast.

[00:18:51] You can also leave a review on Apple Podcasts or any of the other podcast hosts of your choice, as well as getting hold of some useful resources about resilience and a whole lot more. Join us next time on the next edition of Resilience Unraveled.